... to somehow reconciling the turmoil within myself that things might soon be alright, the farther I feel I am from that place of resolution.
I start to wonder if all I am left here for is to be my boys' life sustainers. To see them through until they are old enough to be on their own. It seems selfish, I know, and I feel ashamed that all I can see is what is left of me. What I left behind, and I long for the one who has left me behind.
And then I realize, "What if they did not need their father, or their role model, their sculptor, the hero in their lives?" They were my strength when my body was wrecked with grief, my will to live when my soul was drained of all purpose, and their wonders and their desires are still mine too. I live not only for them, I live for me too.